


by starlight (i'll kiss you)

by Tayloux



Category: Cow Chop
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, Minor Violence, Relationship Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 05:45:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11753292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tayloux/pseuds/Tayloux
Summary: In the six months that they had lived in LA, they had settled into a bit of a routine. James worked days and Aleks worked nights and they tried to make time for each other somewhere in between.Basically an AU where Aleks and James are just two normal dudes trying their hand at living in LA and dealing with what that sort of change means for their relationship.





	by starlight (i'll kiss you)

Aleks was slowly losing his mind.

Time always slowed to a crawl when he was at work. He passed the desolate night shift listening to the radio station faintly playing in the background, crawling through its dedicated late-night _80s power hour_. He might have been hallucinating, but it felt like the same songs had been playing, over and over and over. He had heard the synth-heavy opening to that one _Tears for Fears_ song so many times now, he would probably dream about it when he finally collapsed into bed later.

The humid LA air made time move slower in the same way it made Aleks’ limbs feel heavy and brain feel impossibly sluggish. He had almost convinced himself that the world had stopped spinning outside the run-down gas station he worked in, until a pair of drunk people stumbled in on a mission to find some food after their night out. Aleks lazily tuned out the sound of their voices, vaguely aware that they were arguing back and forth about something trivial. He blankly watched them as he waited by the register, resting his chin in is hand and trying not to fall asleep. 

After a couple of minutes, the blonde girl came forward with a can of pringles and bottle of ice-tea clutched to her chest. She flashed Aleks a toothy, fluorescent smile and dumped the food on the counter. She was a wearing a tight, sheer top and Aleks got an eyeful of her cleavage as she moved. She didn’t seem to mind, just quirked a perfect eyebrow upwards at Aleks as if she fully expected him to stare openly at her tits.

“I like your tattoos.” She said boldly. Aleks drew in a long-suffering breath and glanced back at the man she had come in with. He was too preoccupied at the fridges to notice that this girl had seemingly lost interest in him. 

“Thanks.” He replied wearily, scanning the items with practiced ease. “That’ll be $5.95.”

The girl smiled again, reaching into her top and pulling out a couple of crumpled ones and some loose change. 

“Oh, shit. Looks like I’m short.” She pouted a little, leaning forward to show off a little more skin. Aleks sighed, checking his watch and waiting a couple of slow, calming seconds before facing her again.

“Well, I’m sure your friend has money.” Aleks nodded towards the back of the store. She looked over her shoulder to follow his gaze and drew her bottom lip between those blinding white teeth. 

“He’s pissing me off.” She muttered, pushing a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Aleks hummed in feigned sympathy, leaning a little more heavily on the counter. “Can’t you just spot me? I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Nope.” He shrugged. The girl furrowed her eyebrows and folded her arms over her chest, caring enough to cover herself up for the first time since she had started talking to him.

“Why you being an asshole dude?” She said bitingly. Aleks stopped himself from rolling his eyes. These days he barely had enough patience for the people in his life that he cared about, let alone a drunk chick with an inflated sense of entitlement. He barely managed to bite back the urge to tell her to fuck off. 

“I’m just doing my job.”

The girl sighed huffily, surveying Aleks with a calculated glare. He began to feel a little uncomfortable, especially when those hawkish eyes filled with crocodile tears. She sucked in a shaky breath and spoke again softly, “Do you not find me attractive?”

“What? Um, I don’t know— “Aleks stuttered, hastily trying to save the girl from having a theatrical breakdown in the middle of this shitty gas station. It wasn’t worth it. “You’re pretty! But you’re not uh… at all my type, you know?” He finished pointedly. The girl paused, watching him with narrowed eyes. She doesn’t falter as her friend joined the conversation, dumping an armful of Doritos and sweets onto the counter alongside her pringles and tea. 

“Amanda, he’s gay.” He glanced over the top of his sunglasses at Aleks, eyes bloodshot and glassy. Aleks didn’t even know this dude had been listening in on their conversation. “You stupid bi-“

“Shut up.” The girl interrupted, shoving him roughly. She directed her attention back at Aleks. “Is that true?”

“I mean… I have a boyfriend.” He answered awkwardly with a shrug. Her bubble-gum pink lips mouth of course and curl into a smug smile, happy again with the knowledge that her charms hadn’t failed by any fault of her own. It was too early in the morning for Aleks to keep up with these type of mood swings. He passed a hand over his eyes, trying to rub away the fatigue that constantly weighed him down.

“Sorry for flirting, I guess.” The girl apologises flippantly. 

“It’s fine just…can you pay?” 

She nodded, reaching into her friend’s back pocket to grab his wallet. The dude doesn’t even flinch, watching Aleks scan in his food intently. The girl hands over a twenty, pocketing the change when Aleks gives it back to her. She flashed him an apologetic smile, dragging her friend out of the store without another word. 

Following that encounter, the rest of the night passed just as slow as it had begun, until finally it was 6am and the girl who took the morning shift for the day came in, coffee in hand. Aleks left her to it with a dead-eyed wave.

When he finally got home, he had barely enough energy to kick off his shoes and strip off his stale work uniform. James stirred a little, the rustle of bedsheets catching Aleks’ attention. It wasn’t far off the time James had to wake for work anyway, so he never really tried to be quiet when he came in of a morning. He crawled into bed, the sheets a welcome crisp coolness against his overheated skin. It felt like he fell asleep in a second, only foggily aware of James rolling over to press a rough kiss in the skin somewhere near his cheekbone.

“Hope work was good.” He muttered as he got out of bed. He started getting ready for the day, raising the blinds a little to let some light in and to help him navigate the piles of stuff littering their tiny one-room apartment. Aleks sighed to himself and buried further into their bedding, falling into a deep sleep with his back to the rising sun shining through the open window. 

# -

In the six months that they had lived in LA, they had settled into a bit of a routine. James worked days and Aleks worked nights and they tried to make time for each other somewhere in between. James was the reason they had moved in the first place; an old friend had offered him a job in advertising and it was an opportunity to good to pass up. Aleks had followed, as he always would. Colorado offered him nothing beyond a boring part-time job at Target. He was lucky enough to get a decent number of hours at the gas station, so no matter how hard it got he had to be thankful to have something that paid the bills.

It was hard to be grateful when he slept away the day, only to wake up to the sound of the door slamming shut behind James when he came in from work at 6pm. The last few minutes of sun bathed the apartment in a garish orange glow, tauntingly reminding Aleks that he’d basically become nocturnal since he started working 5 nights a week. Even on his days off, he didn’t have much energy to spare.

“Morning.” James grunted, stomping over to the kitchen and opening the fridge. The light passed over him, shadows deepening the cut of his jawline and the bags under his eyes. He sighed, glancing over at Aleks with a thin-lipped frown. “You said you were gonna get groceries today.”

“Fuck…” Aleks groaned. “Yeah, sorry. My bad. Is there anything?”

“Couple eggs.” James replied bitterly, forcefully pushing the fridge shut. “Some cheese, that’s it.”

“Omelettes sound great.” Aleks offered, stretching out a kink in his shoulders. 

“You gonna fuckin’ make them?” James said sharply, leaning expectantly against the kitchen counter. Aleks sighed, wanting to avoid another argument. They had been fighting so much lately, their work schedules taking a toll they were too stubborn to try and fix.

“I got work-“ He began slowly, feeling like he was still half asleep. 

“Aleks, what the fuck! You had all the time in the world today to get the fuck out of bed and do the one thing I asked you to!” Aleks sighed, James already defaulting to his regular, _louder voice, winning argument_ strategy. The apartment they shared was too small for this, the tension that was constantly building between them taking up every inch of empty space. Aleks was tired of feeling so claustrophobic in his own home. “Is it too much to want to come home to some god-damn food in the fridge?”

“Oh, fuck you.” Aleks said calmly, throwing the covers off himself and getting out of bed. “Feed yourself, I don’t care. I’m gonna shower and let you throw your little tantrum on your own.” 

Aleks threw open their shared wardrobe to a find a clean set of work clothes. He could feel James’ heated stare of the back of his neck and chose to ignore it, gritting his teeth with the effort not to antagonise him anymore. He had become an expert in the silent treatment since they moved. James hated it, and Aleks found it was the best technique to avoid another screaming match. 

“Sorry, fuck…” James was suddenly too close, snaking his arms around Aleks’ waist and burying his face into the crook of his neck. It was too warm in the apartment to be pressed so close together, but Aleks found himself paralysed by the slightest show of affection from James. They lived on top of each other in the smallest place in California but somehow Aleks constantly felt touch-starved. “I’ve just… it’s been a long day.”

“Yeah.” Aleks sighed, shutting the wardrobe and pulling out of James’ hold. He pointedly avoided James’ eyes, ducking down to pick his phone up from the floor. James fell back onto their bed, stretching his arms over his head. 

“Can we just…sit and talk for a bit?” He said to the ceiling. “I miss you.”

Aleks’ stomach clenched at the admission. He looked at the time on his phone —nearly 7— he had plenty of time before he had to leave. He glanced down at James, finding his warm brown eyes in the last bit of light coming through the window. Aleks would exhaust himself trying to understand the emotions hidden behind those eyes. He wasn’t prepared to just sit and talk. They needed more time than he could give right now. 

“I really have to shower—“ Aleks began regretfully, watching James sit up and frown slightly. 

“We can shower together.” 

“That’s never productive.” Aleks refuses with a shake of his head. James’ shoulders slump a little. “Just…please cook us dinner tonight? I promise I’ll get some food tomorrow, I won’t forget again.”

“Yeah, yeah… alright.” James stood, trying to mask the disappointment that clouded his features. Aleks stared at him for a second, trying to think of the right thing to say. He’s not sure when it had gotten so hard to talk to James. 

“Thank you.” Aleks settled for, throwing his clean clothes down on the bed slipping into the bathroom. He shut the door against the sound of James dragging a pan out from underneath a pile of dirty dishes, ignoring the resulting crash of the tower of plates and cups crashing into the sink.

He turned on the shower, the water just a little too hot, and tried to burn away the guilty feeling that had gorged a permanent hole in the pit of his stomach.

# -

_“You know, I’m not sure I like this new side of you, James!” Aleks called ahead breathlessly, glancing up at the incline and nearly crying at the sight; they were finally nearing the top. James was already there, had jogged ahead a few feet just to show off how much fitter he was than Aleks. Damn him. “What the fuck is the point.” Aleks whined, dragging his feet through the dirt and almost collapsing into a heap at James’ side._

_James was laughing at him, hadn’t really stopped since Aleks had first started running out of breath fifteen minutes ago, “Isn’t it a nice view, Aleksandr?”_

_“Fuck off” Aleks growled, prompting James to laugh at him again. “You know how we used to make fun of people that did this?” He continued grumpily, glancing down into the valley beneath them. Admittedly, the view was gorgeous. He appreciated the sight of the snowy mountains surrounding them. It was almost worth the murderous hike._

_“I know. I still think people who do this all the time are fucking dumb. It’s not like the view ever changes.” James slung an arm over Aleks’ shoulder loosely. “I just thought we should see what all the fuss was about before we moved away.”_

_Aleks shrugged, humming in agreement. He surveyed the city below, using the landmarks he could see to get his bearings._

_“We met there.” He said after a minute, pointing out the bar he used to frequent, before he and James hooked up. That was more than two years ago, and now they were escaping to LA together. Never in his life did Aleks think he was gonna be a real California boy, but James had secured a pretty sweet job, and he wasn’t the type to say no to an adventure._

_“That bar is such a shithole these days.” James said with a laugh._

_“I think it was shitty the whole time.”_

_“Probably.”_

_A comfortable silence settled between them as they watched over Denver for the last time. James takes advantage of the break in conversation, gently running his fingers over Aleks’ jawline before bringing their lips together for a brief kiss. It was soft and easy, and even though they had been together for so long now, still made Aleks’ stomach flutter. He was excited to see what would come for them in a new city and a new life._

Work was crawling along as slow as ever. Reminiscing about the past nearly lulled him to sleep, if not for the sound of a motorbike pulling up at the pumps outside. Aleks watched the rider fill up on gas. He was skinny, dressed in a tattered coat and had clearly hit hard times. Aleks sighed, reminding himself that, at the very least, he still had a roof over his head, food in his stomach, and a steady job. Everything else sucked and he hadn’t felt happy in a long time, but he was lucky. 

The guy came in, having put $10 worth of gas into his bike. He shuffled around among the shelves, mostly out of sight. Aleks paid him no mind, until he looked up a minute later and the dude was in front of him with nothing in his hand except an old-looking gun and a backpack.

“Is this real?” Aleks blurted out, catching the guy falter a little at the thoughtless question. The distraction was short-lived, because a second later he jerkily moves the gun a little closer, aiming it directly at Aleks’ chest. 

“Are you fucking stupid?” He spat forcefully. Aleks shook his head, his hands clenching into loose fists. He had been told what to do in this situation, _stay calm, follow orders. Don’t risk your life for what’s in the register._

“You want money, right?” 

“Just open the register and hurry the fuck up.”

“Okay-“ Aleks moved slowly, entering his code that opened the draw. He heard another car pull up outside. He chanced a quick glance, heart jumping at the sight of a LAPD patrol car. _What are the fucking chances?_ The robber noticed too, a wave of panic seemed to wash over his body and concentrate in the shaking hand holding the gun. Aleks raised an eyebrow at the guy. “I uh- didn’t call them.”

“Shut up.”

The officers entered the store and in a split second had noticed the gun in the robber’s hand. Aleks took note of the way the guy’s trigger finger impulsively twitched at the sight of the police, terrifyingly close to unloading a round straight through Aleks’ heart. 

He took the opportunity while the guy was distracted to duck down. The cops asked him to drop the weapon, their shouts punctuated by a deafening gunshot. The blast left Aleks’ ears ringing as he glanced up, taking in the sight of a giant splintered hole in the wall. He barely registered the sound of the guy being arrested, and was only numbly aware of the second, more senior officer coming around to kneel at his side, checking to see if he was hurt.

“Good instincts kid.” The cop said, offering to help him up. Aleks shook his head, pushing himself off the ground and standing up just in time to see the other officer escorting the robber back out to the patrol car. “Hey, you should call your boss as soon as possible. Someone from PD will be in tomorrow to check the CCTV footage. You all good?”

“I mean… I haven’t been shot.”

“I’m glad, lucky we were in the area, right?” The cop chuckled lightly, as if the lingering smell of gunpowder in the air around them was completely normal. Aleks felt like he was stuck in the thick haze of a dream, the cop still talking to him but his voice sounded like it dissolved in the space between them. “See if you can take the rest of the night off, you seem a little shaken, naturally.”

“Uh, yeah… yeah, thanks.” Aleks woke up to himself, using shaking fingers to pull his phone out of his pocket. He ignored the sound of the cop leaving, the store left in silence again, as if nothing out of the ordinary had ever happened.

It wasn’t so late, and his manager had always said to never hesitate to ring in case of emergency. This didn’t feel urgent, staring down an armed robber and narrowly avoiding death wasn’t even the most stressful thing he’d had to cope with since moving to LA. Somehow, he found it easier to understand a desperate junkie, and all the other strange characters that lurk around a gas station on late nights, than it was to understand his own boyfriend. That realisation _hurt_ like a bullet through the heart.

“Fuck…” He muttered to himself, pushing that thought to the back of his mind before numbingly scrolling through his contracts to find his manager’s number.

His manager had kindly sent his son in to cover the last few hours of Aleks’ shift, giving him the chance to go home and sleep off the shock of nearly being shot. Aleks was appreciative, except he didn’t feel any different than he had when he started the shift. He probably could have seen it through.

The kid who took over for him gave him a sympathetic pat on the back as he took Aleks’ place, muttering something about how scary being held at gunpoint must have been. Aleks shrugged him off, mindlessly walking back out to his car and making his way home. 

James, like normal, was asleep when he unlocked the door to their apartment. He stirred a little, rolling over to face Aleks. Without opening his eyes, he mumbled, “You’re home early-“

Aleks froze in place, the sound of James’ sleep-roughened voice making him sharply aware of the tremors that wracked his body. The events of the night were finally catching up to him, here where he should have felt safest. But he couldn’t stop shaking long enough to even speak to James, instead silently stripping down to his underwear and crawling into bed with an evasive grunt. Within a minute, James had rolled over and was snoring again without a care in the world. 

Aleks curled in on himself on the far edge of the bed, his chest tight and a stinging lump growing in his throat. A cooling breeze floated through the window. James had forgot to shut the blinds again, and the orange streetlights were casting abstract shadows across their unvacuumed carpet. Aleks began to count James’ steady breaths, hoping to lull himself into a dreamless, undisturbed sleep. 

# -

James woke him up the next morning, roughly shaking his ankle with a firm hand. Aleks’ opened his eyes, assaulted by the bright morning light. It was too early, his body needing hours more sleep to function properly.

“Fuck off.” Aleks muttered, dragging the covers over his head to block out the light. 

“I just answered a phone call from your manager- he said he’s given you the week off. Because you nearly got shot.” James said accusingly, pulling the covers out of Aleks’ hold. Aleks’ stomach seemed to lurch into his throat, suddenly recalling everything that had happened last night. He was fully awake now, meeting James’ harsh, questioning gaze.

“Shit… listen…” He began. 

“No, _you_ listen.” James spat, voice dripping with ire. Aleks sat up, trying to understand why James looked so hurt. He used to be so easy to read. “I don’t give a shit if it’s 2 in the morning and I’m dead asleep…Why the fuck didn’t you tell me when you came in last night that you were held at gunpoint while you were at work?"

“Hold on…why the fuck are you mad at me right now?“

“Aleks, are you fucking serious!?” James took a step backwards to lean against the window sill, blocking out the worst of the mid-morning sun. His face fell into shadow, making it even harder for Aleks to try and keep up with his emotions. “If I had let that call ring out this morning, would you have told me at all?"

The question hung in the air between them, Aleks honestly had no idea what to say. They were a couple, they had gone through good and bad together, they were approaching their third anniversary; and yet Aleks had been freezing James out, internalising every bad feeling and experience he’d had since he started working at the gas station.

“I- I didn’t think you’d care.” Aleks said tentatively.

“You fucking idiot!” James was yelling again, his voice almost certainly carrying through the window into the street below. “What if you were actually shot in the head last night?”

“Then I’d be fucking dead, James.” Aleks said dully, trying to subdue James before they settled into another ridiculous screaming match. He couldn’t believe this was a real argument they were having. He had pictured their future together, a hundred times but especially on that evening when they had hiked to the top of the world in Colorado.  
He’d thought they would settle into their new lifestyle effortlessly, because until now being with James had been the easiest thing in the world. He’d imagined moving into their dream house, where they could adopt a dog or two to take on walks on the beach. Even now, he held on to the idealistic feel of sand between his toes, the taste of ocean-spray on his tongue and the image of James smiling at him, framed by the reflection of the sunset bouncing off the waves.

He didn’t envisage _this_. Living with the memory of staring down a gun barrel, and the echoes of James and him yelling back and forth every time he tried to sleep. 

“Aleks, for fucks sake…” James breathed. 

“What?” Aleks suddenly couldn’t stifle the angry fire that had been building in his stomach. “What have you got to say now? You want to keep yelling? It doesn’t work, James. Every conversation I have with you ends in an argument because you don’t know how to have a normal conversation anymore-“

“Every time I try to talk, you shut me down, so tell me again why this is my fault?”

“I’m just… I’m tired, James.”

“Well aint that a summary of the past few months.” James folded his arms over his chest, dropping his voice and sighing listlessly. “I know you’re tired. I’m tired too. Things have just changed too much between us, we aren’t on the same wavelength anymore.”

“I guess so.” Aleks replied. He had a thousand more words on the tip of his tongue, but none of them felt like the right thing to say.

“Is that it, then? You got nothing else?”

Aleks shrugged without a word. James exhaled slowly, dragging his phone of his pocket and avoiding Aleks’ eyes.

“I’m going to Joe’s.” He declared after a minute, sounding more defeated than ever. He picked up an overnight bag that Aleks hadn’t even realised had been at his feet the whole time. He crossed the room, hesitating for a second before reaching for the door handle. Aleks looked away as he opened it, not ready to ask him to stay but not willing to watch him leave. The door swung shut with a decisive slam, leaving the apartment in a state of suffocating silence.

# -

Aleks didn’t hear a word from James, after he left, for three days. Time passed slowly, he spent hours under the too-hot spray of the shower, or curled up in bed, or in front of his laptop, trying not to acknowledge the fact that James was gone, and he might not want to come back.

When his phone buzzed with a text from him for the first time, Aleks braced himself for the worst;

**James, 11.48pm**  
_If you don’t hate me, meet me here?_

James had attached a location on maps in his text, some park up in the hills that probably overlooked the city. It wasn’t far from the apartment, especially not in the late-night traffic. Aleks furrowed his brows, a little relieved that it wasn’t the break-up text he was expecting, but apprehensive all the same. 

**Aleks 11.52pm**  
_It’s midnight._

**James 11.52pm**  
_so?_

Aleks sighed, the spontaneous invitation painfully reminiscent of some of the best times he’d had with James. They used to break routine all the time, made weekend trips to Aspen, or spent hours wandering around Denver Zoo, or, one time, decided to get high and make a trip to home depot with the intention of building something grand, a birdhouse or something, only to end up with a splintered pile of wood and a toolkit filled with shit they didn’t know how to use properly. 

Aleks stared at his phone, trying to think of his reply. 

He wanted more of those memories. He wasn’t ready to let James go, not yet. 

**Aleks 12.05am**  
_I’ll be there_

# -

The location turned out to be an overlook in the Hollywood hills. There were signposts showing that the park itself was closed sunset to sunrise, but the carpark was open and mostly empty, except for James. He was leaning against the car he borrowed from Joe with a cigarette held loosely between his lips. He took a long drag as Aleks pulled into the spot next to him, exhaling when he climbed out of the car.

“Why you smoking?” Aleks asked quietly.

“Stress.” James answered casually, dropping the smoke to the ground and crushing it into the dirt. Aleks watched it fall just to avoid meeting James’ unwavering gaze. “Walk with me?”

“It’s why I’m here, right?” Aleks took a deep breath before looking up again, tasting the lingering smoke in the air between them. James nodded at him, pushing off the car and leading the way towards a row of benches. LA sprawled out beneath them, the glittering skyline almost distracting Aleks from the heavy dread that had been weighing him down ever since he’d last spoken to James. He was painfully aware that the two of them were teetering on the edge of tearing down the life they had built together over the past couple of years. 

James sat down heavily on a bench, prompting Aleks to follow his lead. He left a foot of space between them, fixing his attention on a plane flying into LAX in the distance. 

“Hey, so…” James started with a steadying breath. “I think you should quit your job.”

Whatever Aleks was expecting from this conversation, it wasn’t that.

“Excuse me?” He turned his body towards James, stretching one arm across the back of the bench. His fingers were inches away from James’ curls, and he was reminded how much he missed being able to tangle his hands in that hair. In the space of a few months, he had forgotten about little things like that, things about James that warmed him from the inside out. 

“You know Brett, from work?” Aleks nodded, vaguely recalling the dude James went to the gym with sometimes. “He’s looking to branch off and start his own advertising company. He’s got big clients that will follow him, but he wants to keep it small, just a few employees. There’s space for you if you want it.”

Aleks raised an eyebrow at James. “You dragged me all the way out here to offer me a job.”

“And to apologise. I’ve been… shitty.” James looked down at his hands, picking at a hangnail and taking some time to think about what he wanted to say next. “When we first moved out here and things got weird, I thought it was just because we needed to get settled. I thought I could ignore it and things would go back to normal, but they didn’t. I’ve been so stupid. You mean so much to me, Aleks. I hope you know that.”

Aleks met James’ penetrating gaze, wanting more than _anything_ to be able to forgive and forget and put everything behind them. He wasn’t sure it was going to be that easy. Tugging his bottom lip between his teeth, he shook his head slowly. James turned to more fully face Aleks, hands clenching into loose fists.

“Don’t be stubborn.” He said gently. “I know things have been harder for you here. You’ve been stuck in a rut and I’ve had my head too far up my ass to notice. Tell me what I need to do to help, because I’m not ignoring it anymore. I don’t want to lose you.”

“James…”

“I’m listening. Don’t lie to me anymore, okay?” James said earnestly. Aleks looked out at the view again, thinking back to everything that had led to this moment. From the arguments, the long hours at work, the times there was no food in their fridge and the times he had to fall asleep in an empty bed, all the plans he had to cancel because he was too tired to leave the apartment. It had all taken a toll, he was barely holding it together.

“I miss working normal hours.” He said lamely, meeting James’ eyes. Aleks was a little taken aback, feeling like he hadn’t seen James this sincere in forever. “My brain is all messed up. I feel like a zombie all the time, no matter much sleep I get. LA hasn’t been anything like I thought it would be. We fight all the time, you feel like a stranger to me. I miss us, you know what I mean? We used to be so _perfect._ ” He stopped babbling, passing a shaking hand over his eyes. He could feel the hot burn of tears in the back of his throat. 

“We weren’t ever fucking perfect, babe. We don’t need to be.” James whispered, shifting imperceptibly closer. “We just gotta sort our shit out.”

“So…” Aleks took a shuddering breath, trying to calm himself. “You think working together is a good idea?”

James smiled softly. “Why not? No more night shift for you, maybe you’ll finally be able to spend some time in the sun and get a tan. Plus… you probably won’t be fucking shot at ever again-“

“Does sound nice.” Aleks said with a short huff of laughter. 

“Right?” James leaned forward to catch Aleks’ eyes again. He dropped a hand to rest on his thigh, the first point of contact between them since he walked out three days ago, “I’d sleep better at night, and you’d be back on a normal human schedule.” 

“What would I do?”

“Anything you want. Graphic design, editing, whatever.”

Aleks’ heart soared at the possibilities ahead of him. Every hour he worked at the gas station, he daydreamed about doing something else. He never actually thought he would ever be lucky enough to land a good job. He never had connections, like James. He didn’t have a degree. He had nothing.

But here James was, giving him a job offer while simultaneously trying to repair their broken relationship. It was everything Aleks didn’t know he needed, the gesture so inexplicably important that it forced a sob from his throat. James’ whole body twitched at the sound, his hand tightening on Aleks’ knee. 

“You good?” He asked gently. Aleks nodded, moving to place his hand over James’, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles and sighing to himself.

“I love you so much, okay?” He replied tenderly. “Even though things have been…bad. I can’t imagine where I would be without you.”

James nodded with a knowing smile. “Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask.” 

James shrugged, moving his free hand around the back of Aleks’ neck and closing the distance between them. Aleks let his eyes slip shut, savouring the moment their lips met. Kissing James always made the world feel like it stopped. The sound of the city below them faded into the background, Aleks couldn’t feel the chill from the night air, all that mattered was James’ soft lips, the smell of his cologne and the roughness of his beard under Aleks’ fingertips. They pull apart, James’ mouth curling into a self-satisfied grin.

“You know, we haven’t kissed like that in a month.” James said quietly. 

Aleks fell forward, wrapping his arms over James’ shoulders and hugging him a little tighter than necessary. “That’s fucked up.” He muttered, sighing contentedly to himself. He turned his head to the side, resting his head on James’ shoulder and taking in the view again, the constellation of streetlights and car-lights and buildings living on beneath them. There were so many people out there, working through the night like he did, but he’d felt so isolated for so long. But James had been there for him the whole time, even after they fell out of sync.

He never wanted to forget that again.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _By Starlight - The Smashing Pumpkins_
> 
> lol hope this doesn't suck, hit me up at mysteryaleks.tumblr.com if ya want


End file.
